Seasons of Grace

It’s nice to be back in the blogosphere again. I took off a few weeks after Christmastime to regroup and re-prioritize life. I got back on track regarding food after eating baklava for breakfast a few days in a row and overeating in general during break. It was a treat and oh so yummy. But there were a few more inches on my waist than I would have liked there to be, not to mention I was feeling sluggish. Spiritually speaking, I was needing to really seek out the Lord’s will and so I made a time of fasting, study, and prayer. As I expected, I renewed my mind and received some revelation. Plus I’m down some pounds and feeling more energetic.

I tackled a lot of to-dos when we got back. I got all of our check-ups planned out for this year- 2 dental visits and a check up for 7 people means you have MANY appointments. Then, we mused about where we might like to go on vacation for this year. So, we settled on the Ark Encounter, Creation Museum, and Horse Park in Kentucky for spring break. Lord willing, I will make a trip to Washington D.C. with Autie in April to check out the sights and see to Joyce Meyer teach a conference. In June, I’ll be making a hiking trip with my mom, aunt, and the Dawn to Hike Inn near Amicalola falls in the summer. Then, I figured out what topics I was going to pursue in my continuing education hours for nursing this year. I also dropped a part time business that I was not loving anymore. It’s so nice to get things straightened up. Last year, I was in no state to do such things. We were in a crisis mode that lasted for months and months. I’m so thankful that the Lord provided a way for us.

We ended up being sick a few weeks during Christmas and then the week following New Years. That is never any fun. It stinks to feel isolated when you are quarantining yourself from others and it’s below 20 degrees outside. The first week that we were back to school we ended up having something to do every evening of the week and miraculously everything got cancelled so that I could have a full blown sinus infection (the kind where your head feels like it is going to pop off). Then the next week with a fairly normal schedule and some breathing room there were snow days and a course of anti-biotics for myself.

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Photo by Corinne Kutz on Unsplash

So this week, all is well (for the moment) and I am thankful. The gutters are going back on after the December snow. Various parts of my house are clean. And it’s laundry day. I caught myself getting stressed out around lunch time when I was managing the barking dog, the gutter men, dentist appointment, laundry, feeding people, and then getting school done. Then I remembered for a minute what I told someone just yesterday. Give yourself some Grace.

I had an opportunity to visit with a lady last night who is going through a similar crisis season that I have had to deal with in the past. We have been connected just since Christmas and I am so thankful that I am now able to comfort another Mom with the comfort with which I was comforted. When she was telling me last night that her homelife had taken 10 steps back and things weren’t getting done like she expected, I reminded her that she is in a special season right now (something I’ve had to hear from others in the past). Yes, it’s crisis from day to day and there are still things that need to get done. The key is in prioritizing and giving yourself Grace. Keeping your eyes on the Lord when difficult seasons come will make or break you. Giving yourself grace will make or break you. I’ve been both made and broken at times.

The word crisis originates from the Greek word krisis meaning a testing or judgement. We enter into crisis periods in our own lives where we have a chance to use faith and trust as Jesus teaches or go for our own “man made” solutions (I’ll try harder, I’ll brainstorm, I’ll google it).

I think that Moms in general have difficulty with this topic. Being a home-manager and teacher-at-home right now, it feels like I work for myself. I keep my hours and my expectations and am constantly revisiting my goals. When I fail, I am my worst critic.

Many people know the bible verse Romans 3:23, “ for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (WEB). But have you ever paid attention to the rest of the sentence?? We can quote bits and pieces of scripture here and there but really applying the message in context is where we find the meaning. Here it is in context:

“But now apart from the law, a righteousness of God has been revealed, being testified by the law and the prophets; even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ to all and on all those who believe. For there is no distinction, for all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God; being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus; whom God sent to be an atoning sacrifice, through faith in his blood, for a demonstration of his righteousness through the passing over of prior sins, in God’s forbearance; to demonstrate his righteousness at this present time; that he might himself be just, and the justifier of him who has faith in Jesus.” Romans 3:21-26 WEB

**Now we are looking at Romans 3:23 and the sentence it belongs in. Plus a sentence before and a sentence after.

So, all have sinned yes. But pay attention, this is the good part: All are “being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” You are justified freely by God’s grace. You are made right by God’s grace. You are righteous by Faith in Jesus Christ.

You aren’t righteous by your to-do list. Not your done list either. None of the lists make you righteous. You are made right by Faith and FREELY by Grace.

If God is going to give you so much grace while you were in the muck and mire can you give yourself some Grace this year? Can you not beat yourself up about goals that you haven’t met yet? Laundry and dishes piled up because you are sick? Messed up schedules because of weather? Things are going to come at you, it’s inevitable. Somethings this year might be devastating others might be plain annoying.  It’s what you do in the times of trail that will matter most. Did you yell, scream, pout? Did you use your self-control, keep your faith, and pray?

“Being therefore justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ; through whom we also have our access by faith into this grace in which we stand. We rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only this, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope: and hope doesn’t disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. For while we were yet weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man. Yet perhaps for a righteous person someone would even dare to die. But God commends his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we will be saved from God’s wrath through him. For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we will be saved by his life.” Romans 5: 1-9

God doesn’t send the yucky stuff our way. Suffering is a part of living in a fallen world. Yet, He provides for us a way to live through Him and to rejoice. He provides a way for our suffering to be made into perseverance, then character, and lastly hope. Hope won’t disappoint!

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Photo by Ron Smith on Unsplash

“Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. “ Isaiah 30:18 NRSV

Say it with me!!!

“This year I will open myself up to His grace. I will be ready for Him to rise up to the occasion no matter what situation comes to me. I will remember that I hope in Him and that I stand justified in His eyes because of Jesus.”

Praise God today!

Christmas Presents or Christmas Presence?

Are you into Christmas presents or Christmas presence?? It’s a little bit of both over here at the Enoch Homestead.

I love to watch the children tear into presents on Christmas day. But I’ve realized, especially with the little ones, that it doesn’t matter what the monetary value of a present is when they open it up. The cost of the present does not change the smile of surprise on their face. And unfortunately, whether you have purchased it at Target, Walmart, or the Dollar Tree, the toy will almost inevitably end up broken, lost, or forgotten at the bottom of a toy box.

Knowing these things does not change my desire to give my children good gifts but it increases the wisdom with which I use while shopping for the holidays.

And of course this year, I’m longing for a greater simplicity and needing a smaller Christmas cost than usual. I’ve been singing “I’m dreaming of a Dollar Tree Christmas” for a while now. What’s awesome is, I’ve managed to spend wisely and make it fun. I usually pick up little things here and there starting in August. However, we are not finished with the present list, but we are planning to make a trip to Dollar Tree in the next few days. Each kid will have the task of finding the best Dollar Tree present for each other. The secrecy and conniving of each kid as they do their best to sneak around the store unnoticed and then make it home to the wrapping paper before anyone sees them is going to be awesome. My kids just love the Dollar Tree. And I just love hanging out watching them in action.

It’s also funny how each year I’ve purposefully downsized Christmas. Our first year with children was incredible. We stayed up till almost midnight assembling toys. They extended beyond the Christmas tree at least 4-6 feet. I woke up grumpy. Of course the children were amazed and overwhelmed. There were too many toys to even play with. The next was less and then less and then less. But it doesn’t change the excitement on their faces when they have 3 instead of 10-20 toys to play with Christmas morning.

And of course, the more simple that I make Christmas the more generous that I see my family being. We were overtaken with Amazon boxes from Santa Les (my brother) and Nana Claus came on her red sleigh (RAV 4) this week with bags of goodies. I stepped back from trying to make everyone of my children’s wishes come true this Christmas. But what is amazing, is that my stepping back, created space for others to give good gifts to them-willingly and genuinely.

Then I question: Do we even need the Dollar Tree extravaganza? Well, yes and no. No, we don’t need any more things. But yes, they need to think about someone else’s wishes for a little while and enjoy the spirit of giving and the thrill of surprise. They need to pour their little energy into crudely wrapping a gift in a box or fluffing the tissue paper in a bag. They need to have their little hands guided to spell their brother or sister’s name. They need to wait in expectation as someone opens their gift and have a sense of satisfaction when it is well received. It is for these reasons that we will have presents.

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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

What about Christmas Presence? Definitely.

I love visiting family over the holidays. I like the sleepy nothing-to-do mornings and the chilly walks outside. I love how my mom has come to visit for 5 whole days. We barely have an itinerary and we have enjoyed our long talks over coffee, tea, or eggnog.

I absolutely love Christmas events. More so now than ever. With little eyes that sparkle with amazement when we see something new and exciting. We went to a Christmas orchestral concert this past weekend. It was beautiful. The littles made it through about 30 minutes before we handed them over to the childcare and enjoyed the rest of the concert in silence. But in those 30 minutes, they marveled at all the music and melody that was coming from each of those instruments and the large choir. Especially because we had been listening to an instrumental Christmas music CD in the car and the tunes were familiar. It was so fun to share that event with them.

There is a little town north of us, which has a small driving Christmas light tour. We drove through it 4 times and they were still begging for more. Each time we drove through there was something new to see. We drove through a live nativity that even had a camel in it. The kids “ooo’d and aahhh’d” too.

I also love Christmas cookies. There was one year where we had cookies for dinner. I enjoy making little batches here and there and especially on Christmas eve. And of course, the live action Nativity Story. It’s a beautiful movie and a Christmas Eve tradition of ours.

What’s great is when there is a balance of Christmas activities. We planned a few choice concerts and events here and there but for the most part are just chilling this week. It’s so easy to turn the time before Christmas into a frantic, rushed time where there are so many lists and so little eye contact. I can turn cookies into obligatory bake-a-thons. I can turn a Dollar Tree extravaganza into a grab-and-go get-a-thon. Or I can chill out a little bit and wander into the holiday season. We can site-see and marvel and smile. For these reasons we will have lots of together time and activities. If they drain me, I will avoid them. If they are a good fit and energize and uplift we will enjoy ourselves together..

So presents or presence? There is a good mix of both if we are to have a balanced celebration. To remember the “reason for the season” we need to remember. The Bible shows us that Jesus’ birth had a mixture of presents and presence too.

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Photo by Jaka Škrlep on Unsplash

The Shepherds and the Angels

8 In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for see—I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people: 11 to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah,[a] the Lord. 12 This will be a sign for you: you will find a child wrapped in bands of cloth and lying in a manger.” 13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host,[b] praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,

   and on earth peace among those whom he favors!”[c]

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go now to Bethlehem and see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us.” 16 So they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the child lying in the manger. 17 When they saw this, they made known what had been told them about this child; 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds told them. 19 But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them. Luke 2:8-10 NASB

The Bible recalls the Shepherds visiting the infant Jesus in Bethlehem after being told by angels concerning him. The Bible does not mention that they gave him any gifts but that they came to visit and acknowledge his entrance into the world. Then they spread the news about him. Being shepherds, they probably didn’t have much to give him anyways. They lived in the fields. They gave him the gift of presence.

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Photo by Batang Latagaw on Unsplash

The Visit of the Wise Men

2 In the time of King Herod, after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea, wise men[a] from the East came to Jerusalem, 2 asking, “Where is the child who has been born king of the Jews? For we observed his star at its rising,[b] and have come to pay him homage.” 3 When King Herod heard this, he was frightened, and all Jerusalem with him; 4 and calling together all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the Messiah[c] was to be born. 5 They told him, “In Bethlehem of Judea; for so it has been written by the prophet:

6 ‘And you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,

   are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;

for from you shall come a ruler

   who is to shepherd[d] my people Israel.’”

7 Then Herod secretly called for the wise men[e] and learned from them the exact time when the star had appeared. 8 Then he sent them to Bethlehem, saying, “Go and search diligently for the child; and when you have found him, bring me word so that I may also go and pay him homage.” 9 When they had heard the king, they set out; and there, ahead of them, went the star that they had seen at its rising,[f] until it stopped over the place where the child was. 10 When they saw that the star had stopped,[g] they were overwhelmed with joy. 11 On entering the house, they saw the child with Mary his mother; and they knelt down and paid him homage. Then, opening their treasure chests, they offered him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. 12 And having been warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they left for their own country by another road. Matthew 2:1-12 NASB

The wise men or Magi gave gifts. They had carried these precious things with them from far away just for the new family of 3. Their gifts had meaning and were important to the family. They would see them through their years in Egypt, living in a foreign land without family or reputation.

So, you can see. That the Christmas story has much to do with presents and presence. In the end, we see the presence of God in Emmanuel, meaning “God with us”.

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling place among us.” John 1:14 NASB 

Praise God today that he is the giver of great gifts (James 1:17).

Praise Him because He sent his Son, in the flesh, to share in humanity with us. He was be willing to make himself small and BE with us. Then in selfless sacrifice, He offered himself as payment for the sins that separate us from God.

Praise God that he will be Emmanuel ,with us, and ever-present, for where we are there he is (Matthew 18:20).

Merry Christmas!!!

 

The Sweetest Thing

Every morning, I watch Baby Girl (almost 2 1/2) on the video monitor to see if she is stirring. When she starts wiggling around, I go upstairs to get her out of bed and take her to the potty. I pick her up out of her bed and put her blankie on my shoulder. She lays her head down on it, thumb in mouth, and tucks her face in between my cheek and shoulder as I carry her down the stairs.

But recently, as we descended the stairs the sweetest thing happened. She said, “I love you Mommy” and patted me on my back. “What is this blankie that you have on you.” She had never seen my robe before and was stroking it and then trying to take it off of me to wrap herself up in it, “I want to get in it.” I found that so funny. She is a lover of all things soft and a snuggler to boot.

It was so precious to hear her say that she loved me. She, no doubt, has heard it countless times from me and others. But an amazing thing is happening to her developmentally: She is recognizing the feeling of “love” inside herself and then using words to express it. And I get to hear her “I love yous”. She’s now telling Daddy, her siblings, her bear, and the dog how she feels about them.

It’s so lovely to be loved.

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Photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash

Then there is the flip side.

The not-so-sweetest thing.

When someone we love tells us that they hate us.

Eventually, as we grow up, we learn how to hate. It’s not what we are made for but nonetheless, hate finds us. It finds us when we are wronged or it finds us when we see injustice. And then we learn to articulate our hate. Just like this precious 2 year old, who hears “I love you”, feels love, and then says “I love you”, eventually she will have a date with hate.

When the words come from your children’s mouths the blow is hard. It’s unfair. It’s unnatural. Unfortunately, I have, at times, had some children who I have loved me dearly and others who have hated me with passion.

How can I deal with myself, when I am loved by some and hated by others? When the ones I love don’t love me back?

It’s so hard to not be resentful when hatred against you is unfair, unwarranted, or unnatural. And at these times, I look to Jesus. Because I remember how hated he was and how much love he had for those who hated him. In the 5th Chapter of the book of Matthew, Jesus is debunking all of the common twists that have been made on God’s laws at that time and he deals with hatred.

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Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

 You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,  so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48 NASB

We can’t just love those who love us. His charge here is next to impossible though. How do we manage this task, Jesus?

I believe that he is teaching his disciples the how in John, Chapters 13-15. I’m not going to post both chapters but they are a great detailed read.

 I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.  If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned.  If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples.  Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.  If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.  These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.” John 15:5-11 NASB

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Photo by Rohit Tandon on Unsplash

How can I love when I don’t feel lovable? How can I love when I am hated?

The how is to remain in the love of Jesus.

If we only love when other’s love us, what is the love that we have? If we only love ourselves when we are lovable, what kind of love is that?

If we want love for others and ourselves to remain, we have to remain in Jesus. Our self-worth is not dependent on who loves us or how lovable we are. All of these things can change; hormones, bad days, temper flares, illnesses, worry. Our roles come and go and so do our relationships. Nothing stays the same.

Our intrinsic value depends on value that God has assigned us. He has assigned us his love and it is a love that will stay.

What happens when we sin? His love stays. When we act-a-fool? His love stays. Jesus knew the flaws of the disciples that he addressed in our passage. No doubt Judas Iscariot was among the hearers, doubting Thomas, and denying Peter. They were imperfect people and he was declaring his love to them despite that.

If you’ll read the John excerpt again you will see that our job is to remain in his love. We remain in his love by keeping his commandments.

Praise God that his love remains with us no matter how others feel about us. We can remain in his love through our obedience to him. Spend some time clinging to him through his word today!

 

 

 

 

Can’t Never Could

I was having ‘one of those days’ a few weeks ago.

Baby girl was up really early and not in the best mood. Sometimes she does not want to go potty after waking up and she was pitching a fit.

“I can’t deal with this crying right now”.

I put her in my bed with her thumb and blankie.

I had woken up groggy and the boys were now raring to go full force. There’s only so much quiet they can do in the mornings.

“I can’t deal with your noise right now, y’all go down to the playroom and play before I get breakfast ready.”

And then I checked my email to find a shipment that I forgot to delay was coming my way. I quickly called their customer service and got the delivery canceled. And then in a state of overwhelm, I cancelled the subscription.

“I just can’t manage this anymore.”

In a time frame of 30 minutes I had said “I can’t” three times. It was then I caught myself. It is very unlike me to talk this way. So I called the kids to the table. “Coloring time!” and set them to an activity that would be little mess or danger.

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Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

I took a breather on my chair in my room and had a meeting with myself. I had started of my day in a state of defeat. This was uncomfortable and I was not going to let all my day be this way. So I decided that I would not say “I can’t” again.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21 NASB

I’ve lived long enough now that I know that the above verse is true. I’ve spent days saying every overwhelmed thing that pops into my head; taking self defeating thoughts and bringing them to life with my words. I am done with making a habit of it. That’s not to say that it is no longer a struggle to watch what lies I’m believing and the words I am saying. But I wholeheartedly believe that the words I say and the thoughts I think become who I am.

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth. And put devious speech far from you.” Proverbs 4:23-24 NASB

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Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

 

Jesus even warns us to not be defiled by our words.

“For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil.” Matthew 12:34-35 NASB

I can choose to take those thoughts of overwhelm and defeat and give life to them with my words. I’ll be ensured a bad day. Or I can get a change of heart. I can replace the bad thoughts and words with God’s word. He can make my heart flow with life; I have his forgiveness when I am wrong and I have his love unconditionally.

And my just about second to Jesus grandmother has been offering this advice for some time; “Can’t never could”, and I believe that she is right.

How do you restart when you have a day that is on the downward trend??

Who am I?: Losing Your Identity to Motherhood

I remember taking a look at my old blog last year. One I started in 2010. It was before we fostered, before we adopted, before we birthed. I looked at pictures of my past mission trips, hiking trips, and musings. I just stared at the pictures of myself and honestly I felt so disconnected from that person.

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My blog thumbnail in 2010- Taken on our first cruise to Cozumel, Mexico

Motherhood is all consuming. It’s easy to lose sight of all my other roles: wife, daughter, nurse, sister. Children are completely dependent little people. And because I focus so much on them I start to wonder:

Who in the world is that person? What did I used to be like? Who am I now?

Because I feel like I am a totally different person than I was before.

More like I started singing that song from Mulan, “Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?” Because all I watch is Disney movies now!

I’ve been a mom for 7 years now and I’ve mothered 7 children. Not all of my children have I kept however. In 4 years I’ve fostered 4 children and adopted 2 of them. So I’ve had quite a bit of roles: foster mom, adoptive mom, biological mom. Granted, they are still all “mom”. Despite the fact that foster and adoptive have some added bureaucratic responsibilities they all “look” the same to me.

Motherhood has this way of changing women. I guess it could be for the worse but mostly it SHOULD be for the better. Or maybe it doesn’t change us. It just brings out the bits of us that we’ve never seen before. The sleep deprived, anxious, angry bits. The overwhelming, overflowing, joyous, happy bits. There is nothing like it.

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Photo by Simon Rae on Unsplash

Motherhood has this way of changing women. I guess it could be for the worse but mostly it SHOULD be for the better. Or maybe it doesn’t change us. It just brings out the bits of us that we’ve never seen before. The sleep deprived, anxious, angry bits. The overwhelming, overflowing, joyous, happy bits. There is nothing like it.

Maybe motherhood hasn’t made me any different. Maybe I’m still made of the same me that I was before. I’m just showing something new on the outside that was always there.  Maybe I’m ever changing. I’m learning new habits and breaking old ones. I’m learning to cherish new moments and set aside my old desires. I’m breaking a little over here and mending a little over there. Sometime it hurts and sometimes it feels good.

And then I get it.

For he is like a refiner’s fire and like fullers’ soap. He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord.” Malachi 3:3-4 NIV

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Photo by Johannes Wredenmark on Unsplash

Jesus is making me better. Even better than 2010 when I started my first blog. Even when I wore a size 8. When I went on mission trips. When I went weeks without losing my temper. When I had hardly anything to remember so I had nothing to forget. When I had more free time than ever. When I was more self-consumed than ever. When I had less joy and appreciation for Him.

He’s refining me like a piece of metal. He stokes up the fires and gets my impurities out. The fires are not meant to consume me, they are meant to show what is inside of me. So he can do the work to get them out.

Sometimes all I can see are the impurities. I forget about the glittery gold and the shiny silver that I actually am. He sees everything yucky about me and he still loves me. He doesn’t give up on refining me because he knows how valuable I am.

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10 NIV

God has a plan for us. He has work for us to do. Motherhood is work and it is a good work. It’s not our only work but sometimes it feels that way. Its also part of his purifying plan. It helps us to see the things inside us that we need to change. It helps us to see His love, His plan, His creation, His disappointment, His ache for things to get better for us.

So who am I now? Who was I back then? I’m not sure there’s a clear cut answer. There are things I am missing about the old me, I shouldn’t miss them, but I do. There are things about the present me that I don’t like, I can’t seem to fix them, but He will. There is beauty that he is creating in me now. Right now.

I might not know who I am…But I know Whose I am. I am God’s purifying project.